Feeling weird again. Like I'm spiraling out of control. I had applied for this really big job and I had gotten to the final stages of the interview process and I ultimately didn't end up getting it. But I wanted it really badly. It would have challenged me. I would have been put out of my comfort zone. I would have been good at it. It would have given me the agency to move out of my parents' place. Not getting it was a little bit of a shock, but I'm not too surprised, all in all. I just have to completely pivot my plan now. I don't like doing that.
I feel like the last year, every time something so good has been within reach, it gets snatched away at the last second. I almost get a fantastic job that would enable me to do everything I want to do and start my independent life. Just as I'm in the final stages, nope. Sorry, kid. I was SO CLOSE to getting my dream musical theatre role. In fact, I walked out of the callback like "Holy Shit, I think I booked it." Nope, sorry kid. I audition for grad schools, get good feedback from the places that gave feedback. Got a callback for DePaul that I felt really good about. Nope, sorry kid.
Am I cursed or something? Did I piss off a witch? I can't understand how absolutely nothing has gone my way the last year since graduating college. I probably sound whiny as hell. "Oh boo hoo, I graduated college and realized the world doesn't revolve around me."
...YEAH. and it SUCKS.
I'm half-joking. While this year has been really humbling and I'll be honest, I could have afforded to be knocked down a few pegs-- it's not like I've just sat back and waited for things to be handed to me. I have worked my ass off. Like I always do. I have put my all into everything I do since I was a little kid. I'm used to having it pay off. It just sucks when it doesn't.
I was rejected from every single graduate school that I applied to, while somone who is my same age got into Yale. It's embarrassing. Especially considering how much I talked about it. So many people were invested, interested. And it didn't pay off. It's embarrassing.
My point is that I've faced a lot of rejection this year. And if I'm being honest, it's been hard to get back up. I am a resilient person. I know this about myself. But I'm struggling to get back up. To see a point. There has to be a point, right?
Actually, don't answer that. Because lately the only response I've gotten is "Nope, sorry kid."